Monday, November 17th
I woke up around 8am. There were two small windows without curtains in my room, and the autumn leaves lit by the morning sun looked like a painting. Since yesterday, I've been in Hinohara Village, a village in Tokyo. I'll be participating in "Create! Akigawa Art Stream 2025" from the 22nd.
We were given a variety of leftovers from last night's welcome dinner. Okada Tomohiro was sitting at the end of a huge table that looked like it could fit a meeting of 30 people, working. He didn't seem to have slept much. We chatted occasionally while eating in the very spacious space.
My hormones were out of whack and my brain was like jelly, so I was sleepy, but I was really happy to be able to talk about art and other things again after meeting Okada for the first time in 12 years. I felt at ease in front of Okada, and it seemed the same for everyone in the village, and it was heartwarming to see how the art festival has been woven together through this kind of relationship.
November 18th (Tuesday)
There were moments when I woke up laughing while sleeping, and moments when I woke up sobbing. I delivered work on the 7th, then immediately had a performance, a university lecture, a workshop, and Hinohara Village, and finally today I was able to rest completely alone. My hormone balance is off today. I don't feel motivated. I'm glad I don't have anything to do (at least).
I laughed watching a lot of crazy reels on Instagram. I ate hotpot. I also went for a walk. I ate three "Chaya no Mochi" sweets from Aomori Prefecture that were so delicious I went to bed with the third one still in my mouth and took a nap around 7pm. I had a lot of weird dreams and thought I was sleeping at my parents' house, but when I woke up I was sinking into a sea of loneliness.
Wednesday, November 19th
I went back to Mashiko. I had been adding more and more to the hot pot for the past week, and ended up with something like pork soup with beef stock. It was absolutely delicious. Before leaving the house, I also had some tamagoyaki (rolled omelet) and leftover grilled salmon. It was a warm, sunny afternoon.
However, the bus ride to Mashiko was mysteriously gloomy. The inside of the bus was so warm that I was overheating. As soon as I arrived, I went to the supermarket to do some groceries, and when I got home, I got two phone calls in quick succession from friends in town. It seemed they were welcoming me back, even though I hadn't told them anything.
I bought some rice balls, but I really wanted to eat my own cooking, so I prepared a hot pot while talking on the phone. Then I took a bath with lots of Epsom salts.
November 20th (Thursday)
The interview took place at his home. He didn't try to tidy up too much, but instead gave it a more lived-in feel, or perhaps an atelier feel (?). I was happy that he was able to understand the depths of what I was talking about.
However, these days we are only allowed to talk about ourselves. If we do it too much, it can distort our senses. It's good training to refine the words we want to convey. I want to learn more through conversations and reading.
I woke up singing and dancing at night. The hotpot was delicious. Tomato broth and beef. With my overflowing appetite satisfied, I rewatched "Kramer vs. Kramer" and cried.
November 21st (Friday)
I was so proud of my healthy bowel movements that I wanted to brag about it to someone. I stayed in bed with determination in the morning, but then I remembered I had to run to the laundromat, the mobile phone shop, the police station, the conveyor belt sushi restaurant, the gastrointestinal surgery department, and the hot springs.
On the way home, I stopped off at a convenience store for some Kusamochi and sweet potato dumplings. Just when I thought I was having a fun day, I suddenly burst into tears as I got home and pulled the bed covers over my head. But I quickly regained my composure.
Even though I'm not taking out these feelings on anyone, at times like this I'm also troubled by the worry that I might lose trust if I get emotional.
Saturday, November 22nd
When I woke up, my thoughts started to take interesting turns like origami, and I made a voice memo. I felt the luxury of solitude, being able to carefully observe my mind and body. In the evening, I went into town to see a piano concert. Before the concert started, I went to Mingel to check out the actual tenugui towel I designed to celebrate the first anniversary. It felt great.
Today, I decided to give up gluten and dairy products for the first time in a while, so I had cinnamon rolls and chai. They were so delicious! The concert was also great. After the show, we had some hors d'oeuvres and I had fun chatting with various people.
I returned to Mingel and spoke with the owner, Ryosuke. We talked a lot about family. Even if you feel lonely, once you go out into town, the community will embrace you.
November 23rd (Sunday)
I was feeling neutral. I went to the roadside station Mashiko and sent my beloved newly harvested rice, grown using the Aigamo (duck) farming method, back to my parents' house. I then chose a gift at a Japanese confectionery shop in the next town over. Everything was cute. I'm not good at gift-giving, so I was nervous, but it was a fun time thinking about what to buy while thinking back on all the things the other person had done for me.
I headed straight to the hot springs, but it was still light outside, so I took a walk in a nearby park. The autumn leaves were so beautiful I was moved to tears. I had a huge appetite, so I had omelet rice before the hot springs, conveyor belt sushi afterwards, and three-colored dango and candied sweet potato for dessert. I had a phone call with my best friend until late into the night, which I haven't had in a while.
It was a week where I was able to carefully observe the texture of loneliness and feel the realism of life. I want to go far away from here.
