There is a Japanese word called "soushuu." Both words mean to store away, and the fact that these two words are used together probably indicates a strong desire to store away.
Last month, I mentioned in this column that I was going crazy over pattern changes (redecorating). A month has passed since then, and now that the cherry blossoms have fallen and the magnolias have withered in the spring cold, the frenzy seems to have calmed down a little. But that's just how it seems; the frenzy remains inside me. Just because the frenzy has been stored away on a shelf or in a box inside me doesn't mean that it has disappeared. So if I were to bring it out into the open, I would start frenzy again. Or rather,
Perhaps the very act of uttering such bizarre statements is insanity.
So how was it that I, who was going crazy like that, was able to contain my frenzy over the pattern change? It was because I realized that changing patterns was impossible.
What I mean is that, literally, the more I changed the pattern, the stranger and more unsettling my house became.
One reason why this happens is that the room takes on an unfamiliar appearance. This is because when humans see something unfamiliar, they feel uneasy and unsettled, and they sense something strange. This is why we change our hairstyle at the urging of our hairdresser, or are persuaded by a salesperson to buy unusual clothes, only to go out feeling anxious and end up inciting laughter from our friends and acquaintances.
However, if you can endure it for a while, you will eventually get used to it, and the discomfort and uneasiness you felt at first will disappear (it should).
However, no matter how long I waited, the uneasy feeling did not go away. In fact, the uneasy feeling only grew stronger as the days passed, and eventually it became an unbearable discomfort, and even though I was just sitting there, I felt as if middle-aged men were everywhere in the house, muttering to themselves that their youth was over after dancing exhausted on the way home from the disco, and I thought about committing suicide many times in the middle of the night.
Why did this happen? It has to do with the original reason why I started changing my pattern. Why did I start changing my pattern? It was because I wanted to organize my bookshelf, which was cluttered and inconvenient. However, when I thought about it, it wasn't just the bookshelf that was cluttered, the whole house was cluttered. There was no fixed place for things, and necessary items and unnecessary clutter were mixed together, left here and there in the house, resulting in an extremely unsightly state.
In interior decoration videos and magazines, you often see phrases like "eliminate the feeling of living," but in my house, this was clearly on full display.
The raw sense of everyday life attacked the resident (me) like a ferocious beast, and the resident's mental state was like that of a rag that had been wiped a cat's litter box a hundred times and then thrown away.
That's what I mean.
"No matter how much furniture we move, it won't help."
" I said, imitating the tone of Prime Minister Shigeru Ishiba. So what should we do? There's only one thing to do: tidy up. In other words, put things lying around on shelves or in boxes to hide the exposed, undisturbed feeling of everyday life.
Only then will humans regain their composure and be able to appreciate nature, appreciate art, drink weak tea and fart, and make their own homemade ham.
When I realized this, I stopped changing patterns for a moment and was able to escape from the frenzy.
And what I'm mainly doing is tidying up. Or, to be precise, I'm trying to do it. Oh, and let me just say something unrelated to the main topic. I just said "tidying up" and not "tidying up." In fact, for about 30 years now I've been thinking that it would be better not to use the prefix "o," so I try to avoid using it as much as possible. For example, snacks → yattsu, going out → outing, rice balls → nigiri, good morning → good morning, old man → ssan, old woman → bahan, etc. Therefore, here too, please allow me to say "tidying up" instead of "tidying up." Sorry.
So, even if we do tidy up, what is the true essence of tidying up? I'd like to know what the most essential part of tidying up is. If anyone were to ask this question, I would say it is, without a doubt, storage. In other words, putting away the clutter that's scattered everywhere in boxes or on shelves, and making it invisible. Making it invisible and unknowable. Without eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, or mind. Without form, sound, smell, taste, touch, or dharma. A realm without eyes or even the unconscious. In other words, creating a state like enlightenment. If you were to do something like that in a Buddhist way, it would require great training. But in the case of storage, all you have to do is put things in a box.
What? It's so simple. Why don't people in this world understand such a simple thing? Are they stupid?
With this in mind, I began to put things away. At that moment, my mind was calm, a stark contrast to when I changed patterns. As I said at the beginning, the frenzy had been stored in my mind. It seemed that people don't go crazy when they store things away. That may indeed be the case.
"Uooooh, I'm putting my briefs here. Aaaahhhh."
If you see someone screaming like this while putting things away, it's probably a bit strange, or something that's not normal.
So I was calmly packing away, or to put it another way, as I was packing away, an ominous dark cloud was gathering in my mind.
It was clear that there was simply not enough space to store all the bare living items. This meant that storage boxes, racks, boards, chests of drawers, etc. were needed to store them, but even if they could be procured, there was no space in the house to store them.
What should I do, Shianbashi? Feeling helpless, I completely changed from the frenzied state I'd been in the past to a strange old man, staring at one spot with a serious expression on his face, remaining silent all day, immersed in the everyday life.
There is only one way to overcome this situation: reduce the amount of stuff you own until it fits into your current storage space. Even though you know this, you can't do anything because, coupled with the poorly planned change, your current situation is so chaotic that you don't know where to start.
Despair, regret, and loneliness.
"I should have never done anything in the first place."
I muttered, but it was too late. I had reached the point of no return. I would grow old and die like this. On a spring day when the plum and cherry blossoms had fallen and the magnolias had withered, I was crouching in a dirty place, thinking about such things. I was crouching alone.
